Image by epSos.de via Flickr
I’ve heard that people have different love languages. Some people show their love through writing poems or notes to their loved ones. Some keep a clean house and make good food. Some pay the bills and mow the lawn on a regular basis. Some are affectionate and lovey. And some show their love through money.
I bet a lot of people fall under the last one. I know my parents do. Like crazy do. They show their love through buying stuff. Even when you tell them to stop buying stuff. They can’t. They don’t know how else to show their love. They think they are being helpful and trying to make our lives better by buying us stuff and the girls stuff. They’re just trying to make our lives easier.
Of course they are coming from a good place. They don’t do it to show off or to make us feel bad. They really just want to help. But they don’t get it. They’ve never understood that I am just not programmed to want more and more stuff. I want a simple life with simple things. Of course I’ll take nice gifts when they are practical, like the food processor I got for Mother’s Day. Love it. Wanted it. Got it. But I don’t need iWhatevers, I don’t need big TVs, I don’t need new cars, I don’t need really nice furniture.
Nor do I want it for my kids. I don’t want them to grow up expecting stuff all the time. I want them to appreciate things when they get them because it is a special occasion, not just because grandma and grandpa are in town every other weekend.
I’ve had the conversation with them over and over. I have explicitly told them not to buy things. I’ve even mentioned some specific things. And they don’t listen. They still buy them. Even the specific things. It makes me so mad. And frustrated. And when I am overflowing with righteous indignation I can’t bring myself to tell them because it makes them so happy to give us stuff. My mom always uses the line “Well, would you prefer us to be the other way. Never care, never get you anything.” She’s used this line my whole life. No, of course not. But neither extreme is good.
The time when this ongoing argument comes to a head most is when we are throwing parties. I like to do everything. I mean everything. I like to cook the food, make the decorations, everything. I show my love through making stuff for people. It means more. Sure I could buy a really cute, perfect puppy costume for Olivia for Halloween but I don’t want to. I want to make it myself. Why? Because something handmade and homemade will mean more everytime. Even if it’s not perfect, even if the ears keep falling and the arms are too tight. It means more than $10 at Target.
My parents don’t understand this at all. At all. Whenever we are planning something they always swoop in and just want to buy everything. Why would you make cookies? Just buy some. Why would you cook quiche? Just buy it. Why would you make bread? Just buy it. It’ll save time and be easier. And then I just feel stupid and I don’t want to explain myself again and I just give in. Disheartened.
Or like Olivia’s Elmo birthday party that is coming up. I made the invitations. I’m making her birthday banners, party hats, cupcake wrappers, cupcake toppers, cupcakes, and goodie bags. And I told my parents this. They go to Party World and call me. Hey mija, there are some cupcake toppers here, how many should we buy? None, I already made them. They’re really cute; they have Elmo on them. No, we don’t need any; I already made them. Oh, so you don’t want us to buy any? No. Ok, so you don’t want us to buy any cupcake toppers? No. Are you sure? Yes, I’m sure, I already made them. Ok.
They know that we are always running around like crazy and don’t have enough time to do things that we want so they just want to make our lives a little easier. But life should be hard. I should have to work on invitations and decorations for weeks to get ready. I want to do this. I want my daughters to understand that putting your own work into something will make that more special then anything you could ever buy. Ever. Money cannot buy the pride you feel when you see your little girl running around in a pretty crappily made puppy costume. Money cannot buy the feeling you get when everything looks great and was made by your own hands. Money can’t buy the feeling you get when everyone is sitting around a table eating something delicious that you made.
Money can’t buy love. And it can’t prove it. And it can’t show it.
